You know how some people just seem to bounce back from anything while others get completely knocked down by the same challenges?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately.

After diving into some research on what really makes people successful in life, I found something both super simple and kind of mind-blowing:

it's not what happens to us, but how we respond that makes all the difference.

I know, I know... that sounds like something from a cheesy motivation poster, right?

But stick with me here - I've got some practical stuff to share on how to actually make this work in real life.

Today at a Glance

Read Time: 4 minutes

🎧 Tool I'm Loving: Speechify

Before I dive deeper, I have to tell you about this productivity tool that I've been obsessed with lately! If you're like me and prefer listening over reading, you'll love this.

I've been using Speechify (this text-to-speech tool) to listen to research papers and books on psychology.

Last week, I converted a dense 24-page research paper on “How the Mind works” into audio and absorbed it in about 40 mins - something I never could have done before.

My retention has improved dramatically, and I can speed it up to 4.5x normal reading speed.

Check out Speechify here

The Real Predictor of Success: Your Response

So, I was watching this interview of Professor Steve Peters on The Diary of a CEO last weekend (yes, that's how I spent my Friday night, don't judge), and he said something that hit me hard:

But the problem is most of us don’t even know how to response when under stress, or faced with challenges. So our natural reaction is emotional outburst.

Dr. Peters breaks down our mind into three parts:

• The human: Our rational, logical side that thinks things through - what you actually want

• The chimp: Our emotional and impulsive side, often reacting quickly and sometimes irrationally

• The computer: Our memories, beliefs, and habits that serve as references for both

Emotional outburst is our "chimp" taking over when things get tough. We react with fear, anger, or avoidance rather than thoughtful response.

But those responses and decisions are usually the ones that we're not most proud of or potentially will regret in the near future.

So then, what should we do?

Well, Dr. Peters talks about "psychological mindedness" - basically recognizing that while we can't control external events or circumstances, we completely own our response to them.

And it's that moment that matters - think about how you are responding.

Is your response emotionally driven or more thoughtful and rational?

Quick Win: The 5-Second Pause (Takes just 30 seconds to try!)

Next time you feel that surge of emotion before responding to a challenging situation, try this: Take a deep breath and silently count to five. During those five seconds, ask yourself: "What do I want the outcome of this interaction to be?"

This tiny pause creates just enough space between stimulus and response to engage your rational mind.

I've been using this technique in google chat conversations and it's already prevented at least three heated exchanges this week!

Here's how you can develop this psychological mindedness:

1. Notice your automatic reactions - When something challenging happens, observe your first emotional response without immediately acting on it

2. Question your interpretations - Ask "Is this really about me? Is this permanent? What other explanations might exist?"

3. Choose value-aligned responses - Identify your core values and let them guide your reactions rather than immediate emotions

4. Practice cognitive flexibility - Train yourself to see multiple perspectives in any situation

The most powerful insight from Dr. Peters' work is that this skill can be developed—it's not an inborn trait. With practice, you can shift from reactive to responsive, from victim to creator.

My 116 Rejections (And What They Taught Me)

Let me tell you something I haven't shared with many people. During my final year of university, I applied for 116 internships - and got rejected from every single one. Yes, over ONE HUNDRED. I actually kept a spreadsheet tracking each painful "no."

I felt like absolute garbage. Anxious, frustrated, and completely worthless.

At that point, I had two choices: give up or change my approach.

Instead of throwing in the towel, I took an internship at my university (which nobody wanted) while completely revamping my applications approach. I analyzed what wasn't working, begged for brutally honest feedback, developed a strategic plan and of course started immediate execution.

The result?

With less than 8 applications I landed a position at MGM Internationals - a Fortune 500 company.

What changed wasn't my circumstances—it was my response to them.

This experience taught me about something psychologists call "locus of control"

- which determines whether you see yourself as driving your life or being driven by external forces.

• People with an internal locus of control believe their actions determine their results. Research shows these individuals achieve more, maintain better mental health, and report higher life satisfaction.

• On the flip side, those with an external locus attribute outcomes to luck, fate, or other people's actions - leaving them feeling helpless when challenges arise.

Discover Your Control Orientation

Curious where you fall on this spectrum? I've created a quick assessment based on research in this area.

Take the Locus of Control Assessment (Feel free to print)

The questionnaire takes about 5 minutes to complete and will help you identify whether you tend to attribute outcomes to your own actions or to external factors beyond your control.

3 Practical ways to Master Your Inner Control

Here's how to develop that internal locus of control in your daily life:

1. The Circle Exercise

Draw two circles on paper: "Circle of Concern" (things you worry about) and "Circle of Influence" (things you can affect). For each challenge you face, place it in the appropriate circle.

Real example: When I was job-hunting, I placed "economy" in my concern circle but "my interview skills" in my influence circle. Focusing on the latter led to three interview requests in two week.

2. The Question Flip

Replace disempowering questions with empowering ones:

• Instead of: "Why does this always happen to me?"

• Ask: "What can I learn from this?" or "How can I respond effectively?"

3. The Response Journal

At the end of each day, record:

• One challenging situation you faced

• How you initially responded

• How you could have responded differently

• What you'll try next time

I've kept this journal for 6 months now, and patterns emerged quickly - most of my regrettable responses happened when I was hungry or tired!

Reminder for the Week

That quote really hits home, doesn't it?

Emotions are powerful, but as I like to say - they are not great tools for decision making.

It's not about ignoring how you feel, but rather giving your rational mind the steering wheel. Your emotions can ride shotgun – acknowledged but not in control.

😂

@elspencerslife

Me trying to get my life together . . . #nevergiveup #life #lifejourney #roughday #roughlife #roughweek #mindset #mindpower #positivity #... See more

This video from the movie Ice Age perfectly captures what happens when we try to control things beyond our influence—sometimes we just need to let go and focus on what we can actually impact!

Until next week,

Zeel